I’ve been having a few thoughts recently on things like attachment to things or people. And currently I’m not so sure where I stand, because I have some objections towards this attitude of letting go of everything that doesn’t do what you want it to do. An example: Everyone (around me) seems to be singing the same song, and it goes like “If XYZ makes you unhappy / is toxic / drags you down / doesn’t inspire you, then let XYZ go”. So far so good.
I used to be 100% pro this thing. Whenever I’d see someone complain about their environment, I’d recommend them to leave it (but not before suggesting to deal with it somehow). Sure, if someone is just constantly dragging you down, none of you will be having any fun or anything good out of your interaction. That other person might be externalizing their own struggle outwards, but your own struggle is there as well. It kind of makes sense to focus on your own life, or to try to be happy, so you can make your environment happy.*
However: Since everyone has something to struggle with, and you had already built that certain relationship with that person, dumping them because they don’t adhere to your standard of cheerfulness (or whatever) can be wrong. There is something like a social responsibility or commitment that you install whenever you make friends with someone or start a relationship. That’s what we all have to rely on.
Bottom line: With all that “let go of what’s dragging you down” it’s very easy to step into a self-centered zone. That’s when it’s not just innocent care about your own wellbeing, but rather putting yourself first as in not caring about others. That’s when other people don’t count, and that’s when other people become objects. And then suddenly you are the problem.
Maybe there is no clear statement to be made here and we need to decide individually what to do. There is a big gap between, say, violence within a family and a friend who is at a negative or pessimistic point in their life. I will be happy to discuss this topic, so let me know what you think. If comments are deactivated at the time you’re reading this, head to my Instagram and DM me.
* What’s the point of being “in shape” to make your environment happy, if you can’t deal with an unhappy person? There’s a growing hole in this logic.